Six Pieces of the Whole
Parley of Brellymines Script
Uh-noko, Grand Chieftan of the Mole Peoples of Uh-Na-To
Grah-Sa, an advisor to Uh-noko
Baron Redgar Grimhawk, confident Baron of Brellymines, and acting Duke of Feltook
Baron Kenton Grimhawk, nervous Baron of Silver’s Deep, kinsman of Redgar
Sebastian, mysterious advisor to Kenton Grimhawk
Two masses stand arrayed, with two hundred yards empty space between them. To the east stand company upon company of the armored forces of Aroupe, sharply arranged into strict lines. The companies to the west looks as if they could be no further from order. Masses of hairy molemen stand in bohemian masses, trying to get a look at the two parlay parties coming forth to meet in the vast range of space between them.
(AMONG THE AROUPIAN PARLAY PARTY)
SEBASTIAN: You must be careful, milords. These are not men we are dealing with; these are ruthless, crazed barbarians. Expect no more diplomacy or reason from them than you would a wild boar.
REDGAR: Still, we must try. I don’t want my men dying needlessly.
(AMONG THE MOLEMEN PARLAY PARTY)
ADVISER: This will not go well. Offering peace to men is like offering soup to rocks, Your Moleship.
CHIEFTAN: Yes. They are too different from us to understand the meaning of peace, the barbarians. Still, it is our way, and I do not want our families needlessly murdered.
The two parties meet in the middle, exchanging awkward looks back and forth. Finally, Sebastian bows and says:
SEBASTIAN: (IN MOLESPEAK) I present to you the noble lords Grimhawk, powerful kings of this land.
ADVISOR: (MS) This is Uh-noko, nineteen times Grand Chieftan of Uh-Na-To, son of Gra-top-ra, lord of the Western Holes. He brings offerings of peace. (HOLDS FORTH A MASSIVE DIAMOND)
KENTON: What is this?
SEBASTIAN: It has introduced his lord, Uh-noko, whom they call Man-slayer and Defiler of Women. He says it is tradition to offer foes a parting gift before they are vanquished.
(REDGAR grunts and glares aggressively, KENTON makes an unpleasant face, ADVISOR and CHIEFTAN exchange looks, assuming their message for peace has been received poorly among the barbarians)
ADVISOR: (MS) My lord asks permission to pass through your honorable land. We have been hunted and herded among our own tunnels by the Black Shields, man-like creatures from another realm who wield horrible magics. We offer this diamond as payment. We wish only to join our brethren in Wah-Gulrarg. We wish you no harm, and will accept an escort if you offer one.
SEBASTIAN: (DISGUST ON HIS FACE) It says they have come to wipe all the infidels from this land. Only the sacrifice of 100 virgins will appease the wrath of its lord, it says, and prevent him from dancing in your skins this very night.
(REDGAR spits at their feet in rage, KENTON draws his sword)
REDGAR: Tell the demons the only way they will enter our land is piled in a funeral pyre.
(REDGAR and KENTON leave the parlay enraged, beginning to rally troops.)
SEBASTIAN: (MS) My lord rejects your lowly offering of peace. He says he looks forward to dancing in your skins this very night.
(SEBASTIAN smiles wickedly and leaves)